tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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