I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
