Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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