every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
