i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
