all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
