how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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