So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
