But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
