He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
