Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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