do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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