so that wasnt chicken after all
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
