I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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