Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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