operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
