Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
