Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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