Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
