Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
