when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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