The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize