And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
