I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
