i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
