Me. At least after what I've been through.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
