I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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