I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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