WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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