Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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