i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize