Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
