I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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