My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
