My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
