Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
