dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
