I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
