WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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