Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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