can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
