He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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