We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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