At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
