I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
