Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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