so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
