Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
