dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
