I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
