wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize