Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
