i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
