My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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