I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
