Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
