In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
