Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
