Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
