we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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