some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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