is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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