Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sarcasm needs its own font
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
