If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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