Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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