i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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