I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I supernannyed him into submission