She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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