shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.