I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS