I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
