I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
