You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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