i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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