I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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