life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
