every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
