he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
