I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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