Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
