whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
