So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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