ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
