Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
