I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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