I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
