I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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