i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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