I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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