she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
