I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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