i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
